A few entirely unassociated posts elsewhere and a recent conversation all revolved around the subject of a slap. (I am obviously speaking only of a consensual D/s relationship here. Not violence or striking out in anger.) If a Dom slaps a sub’s ass, how does it make you feel? How about her tits? Still comfortable with that? How about her face? I imagine many people are now starting to draw a line.
It is a hand on skin, a claim of ownership, a reminder perhaps that that skin, all of it, belongs to the Dom. And yet, as that hand progressed from ass (subs maybe squirming in their seats) to tits (perhaps a few worried faces) to face (red pencil territory) we’ve covered a very wide range of emotions and connotations.
[And I am leaving aside for the moment the potential physical harm a slap in the face can cause. If you didn’t know about the risks, you probably shouldn’t be doing it.]
The connotations of a slap in the face are more often than not the reason why it is such a hard limit for people. Because, outside the D/s dynamic, it is a symbol of anger and violence, of disgust, on a par if not worse than being spat on, and particularly between man and woman. The slap on the ass, in the mean time, might just as well be lovingly exchanged between perfectly vanilla couples, and regardless of the gender of the person on the receiving end.
Some argue that the slap in the face and a slap on the ass are in essence no different. Hand on skin. A claim of ownership, perhaps even a call to attention in the midst of a scene. But the connotation gives it a different meaning.
It is also because of the connotations that a slap in the face in the middle of a D/s scene can have such an immense effect. While some may find it exhilarating, even putting them in a completely blissful state on the road to subspace, for others it may cause a complete and instant emotional shutdown or breakdown. The effect can last for hours, days, sometimes weeks.
And this also applies in an online context, where a Dom might order his sub to slap her own face. Yes, in the midst of an intense scene, this can have the same impact as if it was the Dom himself doing the slapping. And the risk of a lasting negative impact here too is immense, because providing (instant) (after)care if the effect turns negative is so difficult. The sub may find it very difficult to get herself out of this state and it may take weeks before she feels herself again.
A ‘bit of slap’ is not something to engage in without careful and thorough consideration, talk and mutual agreement. And not without monitoring the effect closely and acting immediately and decisively if something goes wrong. This bit of slap can have consequences.
….. and tickle? How about spread-eagle bondage, naked skin, a feather and hours of time to spend….. Suddenly a bit of slap and tickle doesn’t sound like innocent fooling around on the sofa anymore, now does it?
M. / Her Liege
Note: I write in the Male/female perspective, but do not wish to exclude other gender options. Please read alternative gender indicators as applicable.